Want To Discover Your Gold? Get Yourself A Coach
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I want to read a person’s story and other times I just want to listen to their voice. I get it! That’s why I’ve also created an audio version of this blog. Enjoy them both! Flic x
Truth be told, I've never really made an investment like this in myself before.
I'm looking at you, Hugh
Sure, I've bought overpriced shoes that I wore only once in my kitchen. Yes, I've indulged in an online sales shopping extravaganza once or twice in the past. And, okay, I admit to once buying a rowing machine because I'd listened to a podcast interview where Hugh Jackman credited his physique for Wolverine from using a "works-out-everything" rowing machine.
Wolverine? Yup, you read that correctly. I can't say it was ever a look or physique I was ever going for, but I'd had an evening of gin and thought, fuck it. Faster than Wolverine's retractable claws could pop out, I'd whipped my credit card out from my wallet and was scheduling the delivery.
Now clearly, I know how to spend my money. But when it comes to investing in my skills and nurturing myself, well, this is a completely different matter.
And as a woman, I know I'm not alone.
Choosing to bet on me is nothing short of brand spanking new territory to tread.
So if you're nodding along and smiling because some of my history resonates, then keep reading because I'm going to tell you why it's time to get yourself some coaching.
Sorry Hugh, I’m now looking for someone else
A few months ago, I needed some help, guidance, and outside perspective. I was approaching the five month mark after giving up my job and embracing hardcore burnout recovery.
I'd rested, I'd read, I'd slept, and then I'd rested more. Those months were vital, and I kept turning down contracts to protect them.
Then one morning, as if my spidey senses were tingling, I found myself thinking, I'm ready to get going now—time to open a new door.
I could've just started easing myself into writing contracts again. However, I knew I needed help in unravelling and looking at some of my life choice threads, thought processes and behaviour patterns before hitting my laptop again.
Why? To ensure I never land back in burnout town again.
Where's my Yoda?
Annie Ridout is someone I've followed on social media for a few years. I have her books: The Freelance Mum and Shy, and have completed some of her brilliant courses on her platform, The Robora (I adore the podcast too.)
That morning, she happened to announce on social media that she was offering a few coaching programme spots to women who wanted help with their work-life balance, passions and productivity (but not at the expense of physical or mental wellbeing). Bingo.
I must have looked at that little Instagram square twenty times. My gut reaction was to jump on this chance. As a writer, Annie was a great match for me. Not only does she understand the creative world of being a writer, but as a mum of three, she knew the potholes to dodge when trying to establish your passion and creativity while simultaneously raising a family. I'd loved her messaging and posts about self-care during challenging times, so it was a no-brainer to jump at this heaven-sent chance.
But, oh, the money.
My ego and hardwiring (that likes to keep me safe from doing anything scary) and inner critic (that loves to shit talk anything) instantly jumped in as I completed Annie's online form. Instead of pressing "submit form", I weighed up all the reasons I should not be doing this:
You're currently not earning.
You don't even know your writing angle at the moment.
Come to think of it… you don't know your head from your arse at the moment.
Quit your passion and try to do something simple and easy with your life before you embarrass yourself even more.
How old are you? Old enough to bloody know better.
Just sit down, stop striving. Be content with what you've got.
I became so frustrated and upset sitting at my desk that I threw my coat and shoes on and went for a walk.
And thank fuck I did.
Within a short time, roaming the streets, another voice of reason emerged from within me. I couldn't help ponder and ask, what if it was one of my boys who wanted coaching? Well, I'd jump right on it. I'd sign him up and buy him a new notebook and pen to mark the occasion.
What if this was my husband? I'd pull out the cheerleading flags and tell him that life is too short not to pursue his passion. That he should click "submit form" pronto. In fact, pass me the laptop and I'll do it for him.
May the force be with you
If I've learnt anything from burnout, it's that life is too short to be lost and depleted. We may not need another pair of new shoes, an overpriced bag in the sale, or Wolverine's rowing machine. What we do need is to live our lives authentically and fully. We deserve to shine. We deserve a place at any table that we can show up to and offer our gold.
After a chat with my husband and a hunt around for savings and some things to sell on eBay, I went online. Only to be met with the worst words ever, SOLD OUT. The coaching spots had gone.
I had a Luke Skywalker moment. I decided to allow intuition to take over me. I emailed Annie to say congrats for selling out all the coaching spots. I asked if she had a waiting list and if she could consider me should anyone freakily happen to drop out last minute.
Five minutes later. I hear the ping of an email.
And just like that, my Yoda appeared.
Someone had dropped out due to timing and was unable to start coaching as soon as they'd initially thought. Annie said the spot was available if I wanted it.
I said, “I'm here. Let's start coaching. I can start yesterday!”
Rebuilding and reclaiming
You won't be surprised to hear that this block of coaching sessions has been phenomenal.
I started off with some initial goals. They felt huge at the time. Incomprehensible even. Because at that point in time, I felt so lost, so disoriented and confused by where my life had taken me over the past few years that I couldn't imagine pulling off my socks, not alone goals to help nurture and propel my passion.
But Annie knew what she was doing. And I trusted her completely.
Connection is everything
There's no point in denying the mental health stigma that thrives and hangs around us choosing to get therapy. I believe many women are open to both therapy and coaching. However, I know first-hand that when you're knackered and worn down beyond belief, the last thing you seem to have energy for is to reach out and seek help.
Yes, there are many brilliant books, articles, CBT apps and Wolverine rowing machines out there. They can all help to lift your spirits, walk you closer towards taking positive action and edge you closer to feeling more self-confident and yourself again. But nothing beats the connection and interaction of talking to another person.
I'm lucky I have my husband, parents, and some amazing close friends that I can confide in. Without a doubt, they have helped me take brave steps and realise that I needed to start looking after myself and find another way.
So here's another angle for you to ponder: When you have the cake, why wouldn't you go for the cherry on the top too? Why wouldn't you try to enhance your life and experience? Why wouldn't you try to live your life more fully?
It’s always a good day to bet on yourself.
By connecting with Annie weekly, I got to unravel threads for an hour, explore them, and then tie them up with a bow and move on. I got to set myself goals and benefit from an outside perspective that would tell me (and my overachieving and over-revving tendencies) when tweaks were needed.
Not only did I feel accountable for my goals, but I was able to make a giant leap and realise when I needed to take things off my to-do list and perhaps not even achieve them that particular week. Now, this was a whopper aha moment for me!
How coaching has helped me
A coach can see your gold shining, even on those dark days when you cannot see a bloody thing.
With gentle questioning, they open up the chessboard in front of you. This helps you to identify the different moves and pathways you can take.
They can challenge old thought patterns that don't serve you and help you learn new strategies to help you problem-solve independently.
They are your access to a voice of reason. Only this morning, I heard Annie's voice in my head ask, "Do you really need to do all that on your list?" I promptly removed 3 items off my list.
They remind you regularly that you have the force within you. And that time spent nurturing and investing in yourself is always worth it. To keep going. To keep going at the pace that works for you. And when you're ready to take that leap of faith and trust in yourself.
Like all good teachers, leaders, mentors and general all-round kickass Yoda's in the world, coaches have the gift of being able to walk quietly alongside you on your path, and every so often pause to say, "look over there".
The result? You stumble across a treasure trove of gold that’s meant just for you. A treasure trove that's always been there for you, and one you'd never even thought to open and look inside without a little encouragement.
One last word for all the Mums out there
Mums should never forget that little eyes are watching them. By prioritising and investing in yourself, you're modelling to your kids that everyone matters. Everyone has a purpose, and life can be exciting when you work to discover what it is. You owe this not only to yourself but to them too, as you raise this next mighty generation.
Now, that's what I call a bloody good reason for having a coach or a therapist.
I'm off to go make magic—time for you to do the same.
Flic x
P.S. As for Hugh... I've just been informed by my youngest son that I resemble an uncanny likeness for Wolverine on the occasions I find the loo seat left up, dirty clothing on the floor beside the laundry bin and wrappers between the sofa cushions. So maybe that rowing machine will work out for me after all.
Grrrr!
P.P.S If you know someone struggling with #everydayburnout please forward this blog and tell them from me that they are not alone.
Burnout and feeling as mad as a bag of badgers can really isolate you, and the one true thing I needed on my lowest of low days was to not feel so lonely.
Please hold on. It does get better.
