Does My Burnout Look Big In This?

I don't know about you, but sometimes I want to read a person's story and other times I just want to listen to their voice. I get it! That's why I've also created an audio version of this blog. Enjoy them both! Flic x

I'm standing in front of my bedroom mirror, and I realise that burnout changes you. 

For a while, at least. 

And if you've nailed your recovery, you stand the chance of it changing you forever. 

I'm crossing my fingers and striving for the latter. 

Let me explain.

I used to want it all

It’s true. I used to want it all. But now? Well, I just want my mortgage paid, my health intact and some time well spent with my boys over the summer break.

Simple pleasures are a strong feature of my journal these days. Certainly since the back-breaking to-do lists have dwindled and self-care moments now take up more deserved space in the schedule. 

And when I say self-care, I don't mean a face pack with a glass of wine.

No, I'm talking about checking off all the basic human needs that lie on the physiological, safety and belongingness tiers of Maslow's hierarchy of needs - a motivational theory in psychology.

Once I’ve prioritised these basic needs such as: nutritious food, fresh air, water, rest, sleep, sense of safety and loving relationships. Then I can move on to reaching the top tiers, esteem and self-actualisation needs.

Now, that’s what I call progress. 

But I'm still not quite home and dry yet. 

Never did I imagine I'd still be sat here, nine months after giving up my job, still keeping a watchful eye on the thermometer of my burnout symptoms. 

Monitoring the temperature of burnout fever

Yes, my anxiety has reduced until I think I've fucked something up (minor, it's always something minor). I notice my chest tightens, and my husband asks me why I'm breathing like Darth Vader in the home office again. 

Yes, my sleepless nights have eased until I start to overthink what I'm going to do for paid work at the end of the summer, and then I slip down the slippery slope of negative self-talk and question if I've been selfish taking this recovery time. 

Yes, I can once again see my purpose in life and feel the excitement and fire from embracing my passions once again. But then I see someone on social media who is doing well (yay, for them!) and begin to worry that I'll never be as good as I want to be (fuck, can I do this?).

This is why burnout recovery is a work in progress. Actually, this is precisely why our mental health is a work in progress. It’s why we need to pull back the curtain and always look beyond the symptoms if we're ever going to reclaim ourselves again. 

Where does your sense of self worth come from? 

The Guardian published a great article this week reporting on the fact that the dating app Bumble has given all its staff a paid week off in its battle against burnout. 

My applause for Bumble was swiftly followed by a WTF?

It fascinates me that I'm not alone in overworking and overachieving tendencies. 

Journalist Zoe Williams writes, "A couple of years ago, the thing was unlimited paid vacation. It was huge in the UK corporate wellness market, until it was discovered that a lot of people do not take their vacation days, and when they do, they're still connected to the office by email. The only way that we can get a decent break is when we're forced into it: when the company says: 'Guess what, everything's shutting down, nobody's allowed to work.'"

Why are people hesitant to take time off? Why are we feeling the pressure to respond to Slack messages and have our green light on, regardless of if we're past working hours and with our kids at the park, doing a big supermarket shop or lying in a hammock reading a book? 

Sadly, it shines a light on the fact that our sense of worth comes mainly from our work. 

Yet, according to a study commissioned by MHUK, nearly 1 in 4 women in the UK feel unable to manage their stress. 

Damn it. I put my hands up and admit I stand in that camp too. 

Mirror, mirror

So when I look in the mirror and ponder, does my burnout look big in this? The reality is that it was always going to take a little more than lying in bed cuddled up next to a packet of biscuits to fix it and reduce its size.  

Burnout is not something that an online order can remedy. It's not something that a quick swipe of my credit card at a spa can fix. 

Despite having written hundreds of articles, blogs, and brochure copy about mental health support in the past, I guess we can say that the very fact I'm sat here, writing this blog post, says I'm human and still very much a work in progress. 

Burnout has way more layers than we give it credit for. 

That's why my recovery is going to be more than an initial period of rest that helped me walk out of that burnout fog. It's now also going to have to factor in that I need to change my perspective and life approaches too. 

Don't go back to square one

A couple of years ago, I remembered attending a talk by the Saje co-founder, Jean-Pierre LeBlanc.

Like all ambitious and soul led entrepreneurs, he and his wife, Kate, built the Saje empire from a desire of LeBlanc trying to heal his chronic pain using plant-based remedies to what Saje is now, a wholistic wellness (beloved by many) business that is changing lives. 

LeBlanc shared that years ago when he experienced a period of burnout, he took a month off work and went to a yoga and wellness retreat in India. 

After a month in India, he naturally arrived back in Canada, feeling lighter and more energised. However, it wasn't long before he found himself struggling again. Why? Because he had not changed any of his working habits, so was cruising his way back to sweet square one of burnout again. 

I can relate to this. 

All the Netflix and lying on the sofa propped up with cups of tea in the world cannot completely change me. 

Change the script

I'm a big fan of Dr. Mandy Lehto's work, particularly the wisdom she shares on her Instagram feed and in her brilliant weekly newsletter. 

She's all about supporting burned out perfectionists shed their bullshit beliefs of not-enoughness. 

Mandy recently shared some great alternative scripts in an Instagram post, helping to transform our old ingrained negative thought patterns into more positive and gentle messaging. I smiled when I read them. Of course, it's no surprise that my inner narrative aligns with all of the first sentences. Do any strike a chord with you too? 

Instead of: I should be further along by now. 

Try: I'm right on time. I haven't missed out.

Instead of: I'm a nugget for making that mistake.

Try: I'm learning each time I try something.

Instead of: I never fit in.

Try: I seek belonging. 

If you're like me and seemed to have spent a lifetime being subscribed to a harsh (and damn bloody mean) narrative, then I think it's time we all agreed to quit that shit and subscribe to a new inner-dialogue mailing list. Let's sign up to one with positivity, self-compassion and kindness. We know it makes sense. 

Yes, I've come a long way from the Burn, Baby, Burn days. But I'm still not out of the woods yet. Maybe you can relate to this too? 

So, let's say we try and make the walk back to ourselves. Let’s use that mirror reflection as a reminder of the lessons we've learned and still need to work on - helping us embrace the changed (for the better) person we've become. 

Flic x

P.S. If you know a woman struggling with #everydayburnout please send her this article and tell her from me that she is not alone. The one thing I needed to hear on my lowest of low days was that very sentiment. 

I see you out there, Sista. Please hold on, it does get better. 

Take a listen to some of the stories and advice of other women on my podacst Everyday Burnout Conversations.