I don’t know about you, but sometimes I want to read a person’s story and other times I just want to listen to their voice. I get it! That’s why I’ve also created an audio version of this blog. Enjoy them both! Flic x

Question:

What does it mean if a bird shits on your head when you're meditating outside?

Asking for a friend.

A tight chest looms

It was just a regular (albeit mid-pandemic) school day morning. Nothing major was happening in my life, other than plenty of rest, as I'd taken time off work in the name of burnout recovery. 

I'd bagged a good night's sleep and felt content knowing my boys were sat quietly in front of virtual school laptops and cereal bowls, watching peers mirror their actions.

Everything was fine. That was, until it wasn't. 

You see, this is what happens when you try to swallow and ignore your stress. It manifests way deeper than you think. 

Side-eyeing stress is like trying to submerge a beach ball under the water. It's only a matter of time before that thing catapults out of the water with such might and power that it's sure to hit you in the tit or a kid in the face. And let’s face it, both are going to bring tears. 

My bag of badgers are happy to play along with this bloody game. My beach ball has been regularly flying out of the water recently. Always when life feels calm, when the waters are still. 

The chest crush

I'd begun to feel tinges of tightness forming in my chest as I shut the dishwasher door. In the past, this had been absolutely terrifying and potentially led to a panic attack. In these moments I  was convinced I was going to keel over and pop my clogs, right there on the spot. 

And not because I wanted to avoid dishwasher duty either.

That's the funny thing about handling experiences of anxiety, isn't it? I'm not sure what I'm more terrified of now. Is it navigating my way through the anxiety or panic attack experience itself, or is it the thought of having a looming anxiety experience follow me around, ready to pounce, that scares the hell out of me? 

Lately, I'd gotten good at noticing and recognising the warning signs and would immediately reach for the tricks that always hit the spot for me. 

That morning, I decided to grab a glass of water and take myself off to sit outside in the garden. Pronto. 

After a few minutes of peaceful and relaxing breathwork in the crisp morning air, I could finally reassure myself that I was indeed, safe and okay. The tight chest, slowly but surely, started to subside. 

And relax. Breathing becomes more regulated. Tension in my jaw dissipates. Fearful thoughts that my crushing chest will finally flatten me, walk away. 

I thank my lucky stars for being able to take a break from freelance contracts and focus on my wellbeing. That would have been a fucker of a moment if I’d been scheduled to hop on a Zoom meeting call with a client. 

Meddling in meditation

I was now outside, soaking up some lovely rays of morning sunshine. In light of what had just happened, I decided I had nothing to lose by trying to dabble in a spot of meditation. 

I wouldn't say I'm a natural at meditating. I tend to default to what they call the monkey mind: swinging branch to branch, mulling over the tasks, grasping at overwhelming thoughts--even the ones that get me hot under the collar. 

In the past, this stopped me from even trying to meditate. But the reality is that this is exactly the reason why I should be doing it. 

Why? Because when you don't turn down the volume on ruminating thoughts and handle your stress, then stress happily sits in a corner waiting for one day to strike back and bite you in the arse with a massive dose of anxiety.

Goal getter

Emily Fletcher, founder of Ziva Meditation and author of Stress Less, Accomplish More, says, "Meditation is simply a tool to help you reach your goals; it's never the goal itself. The main point is this: we meditate to get good at life, not to get good at meditation."

Depending on my mood, I either just close my eyes and try to tune into nature sounds around me, or I choose a guided meditation that will inevitably sternly look at my monkey mind, direct it to the naughty step, and help me take a break to soak up the peace. 

Today I chose a guided meditation. I inhaled and conjured up calming visions of waves lapping on a shore. It was almost like I heard the faint sound of a seagull soaring in the sky. I envisioned the salty air and splashes of the waves circling around me. 

It felt blissful, peaceful. And ... hang on a minute...what the fuck was that? 

Smack bang in the middle of my forehead something had hit me as I lay on my lounge chair. 

Is the universe taking the piss? 

My meditation came to an abrupt halt and my imagination swiftly took hold of the reins, racing at top speed. 

Had a squirrel just chucked an acorn at me? Erm... that's ridiculous. And paranoid. And overworking the old imagination a bit. 

Would I open my eyes to see some AC12 members and OCG troops standing around my garden lounging chair? Perhaps all that obsessive Line Of Duty viewing was not helpful for my mental health right now. 

I walk into my house and watch my kids contort their faces and scowl at me in horror. Then I watch their minds connect the dots and proceed to fall about laughing. Something obvious has clearly happened, and they're in bloody hysterics—oh, the joy of boys. 

One glance at my mirror reflection, and I see that, yes, it's shit. 

Bird shit on my forehead. Seriously. Shit on it! 

I should be so lucky?  

A frantic google search (hair resembling Something About Mary) informs me that this Russian superstition believing “lucky you, with that shit on your head” is based on the rare odds of actually being crapped on by a bird. 

Apparently, it's less likely you'll be dumped on by a bird than win the lotto. WTF.

So maybe luck is with me today? Maybe today is a good day to get a lotto ticket? Or perhaps it’s just a good day to meditate. 

Meditation isn't about eliminating stress; it's about managing it. 

In today's modern world, stress has become a regular part of our everyday life. It impacts our health with an increased risk of headaches, muscle tension or pain, fatigue, anxiety, sleep problems, changes in sex drive and gastrointestinal issues. Definitely bagged a few of those. 

If unchecked, stress can manifest itself into chronic health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity. Not interested in any of those.

But before we pick up the stick to battle with stress, it's worth remembering that we would never have survived all these centuries without a natural distress signal preventing us from being eaten by the Sabretooth Tiger lurking at the cave entrance. 

Times have changed, and I don't expect to stand next to a tiger at the bus stop. But I reckon if we didn't feel pressure to complete our tax paperwork or homework on time, there'd be some kind of consequence.

But the modern-day pace of our days is fast and furious. When we add a hearty dose of self-pressure, demands and fear—we're teetering on the edge of explosiveness.

Stress is encouraging us on a daily basis to fear for our lives. Literally. 

No wonder the World Health Organization (WHO) has classified stress as the health epidemic of the 21st century. They reported that stress-related mental health conditions were becoming prevalent across the globe. And that was before we even walked into the treacherous minefield of this pandemic. 

Meditation matters

In the simplest terms, meditation is a practice where we focus our mind for a while. We often use it intending to become more present, calming the mind, achieving mental clarity and increasing our attention or awareness.

If you are someone who struggles to sit and meditate, then any moment you can grab to sit calmly and focus on one thing such as colouring, gardening, baking, creating -- is time well spent. 

The eye-opening question Fletcher asks us is: Are you willing to give up 2% of your day to meditate and the chance to improve the other 98% of your day with feelings of calm and perspective? 

Well, when you put it like that, Emily.

Nourish the mind...the birds are okay

I will keep on practising meditation. I will keep on observing those stress and anxiety signals and attend to them swiftly, with love. I will keep on prioritising my mental health and make sure I never play with burnout matches again. 

At the end of the day, we don't need a bird to tell us that, yes, life is shit at times. 

But there is always a pocketful of humour, a sackful of lessons and an abundance of hope on the horizon to be found somewhere.

Flic x

P.S. If you know a woman struggling with #everydayburnout please send her this article and tell her from me that she is not alone. 

Burnout and feeling as mad as a bag of badgers can really isolate you, and the one true thing I needed on my lowest of low days was to not feel so lonely. 

I see you out there, Sista. Please hold on. It does get better.